13th Apr, 2020

My new portrait 😛

Time flies. I was expecting a call on 1st April from the mental health team, but no call came. The UK is on lockdown, and while people die, mental health has to take a back seat. Maybe it's now like the old days, and we have to sort ourselves out? So, I thought I would write about what I am going through. To see if anyone responds - like a message in a bottle, cast out into the sea of the cyberspace. I wonder who's shore it will wash up on?

Where to start?

Don't worry. It's nothing serious. I just have an overactive imagination. Ideas keep popping into my head, and I feel compelled to write them down. All the ideas that have built up in the back of my mind, suppressed over the last 30 years of being a carer, are flooding out. It's a bit of a mess really. I should post more, but more ideas keep coming and resisting the torrent is futile.

ADHD - maybe.
The reason it may seem like ADHD, is that while researching my creations, I get 'distracted' and run down many rabbit holes while taking notes. I don't see it as a distraction. I see it was more info! This new info is correcting and honing my ideas. I take notes as I watch and read, which I then take and work into current WIP concept blocks, formulating the ideas on the page. Of course, more info breeds more ideas, more ideas link into other ideas, and begat more ideas, and…

That's how I function, and gets around my limited working memory while juggling all these ideas, putting my subconscious to good use. I find it endlessly amusing, frolicking in my mindscape as new ideas pop into my head from seemingly nowhere. My work is like chronicling a waking dream. Sometimes delightful, other times horrific, but always interesting (to me).

This isn't a problem for me, as I don't mind living on Universal Credit, as I beaver away, but the Job Centre takes a very dim view of my mindset. My daydreaming isn't bringing in money.

Originally they were going to help me form a business, which sounded like a great idea, and a little extra money to boot. I was all for it, and it was sold to me as a start to finish mentorship. It turns out that's not the case, and the lovely people at Ixion liked my ideas, but their rules do not cover development. I explained the development was also marketing, but they want the product first. I'm fine with creating the product first, but as I am not on the Ixion course, I have to find a regular job with is a pain in the arse and diverts me from my goal. Unfortunately for me, I'm an 'all or nothing' type of guy. All that matters to me is getting the ideas out of my head.

Obviously, this is not 'normal', and I have to be fixed! Perhaps ADHD medication will turn me into a good little drone, or *fingers crossed* make me productive. Then I can get a regular job, a bit of money for projects, and hopefully I'll have a little creatively left over to continue working on Spheres of War and Sciror. Reality is such a bugbear!

I'm such a special snowflake, why can't I be like everyone else? Or is this a case that the grass is always greener…

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1 Response

Hearing feedback is very important to me in developing my ideas. Much of my designs are inspired, and crafted, by chatting to fans on forums before snowballing into a full concept you'll find here. I would like to thank all those who have contributed critiques and participated in discussions over the years, and I would especially like to thank all those who commented on this specific topic. If you would like join in, you are most welcome!

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  1. Philip says:

    I had a phone interview with the Mental Health Team today, and I may have ADHD. I'm being referred, so I'll know more in 4 weeks time.

    Edit 2020-07-11: coming up for 11 weeks tomorrow and still nothing 🙁

    Edit 2020-07-24: It's been 90 days, nearly 3 months, and today I received a letter to confirm I have been accepted by the ADHD team, and I can expect an appointment in 40 months! That's 3.3 years away 🙁 LOL. I guess I'm going to have to figure this out myself. I'll keep you posted 😉

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